performing “Old Town Road” on Old Town Rd
Elevators terrify me
I'm taking steps to avoid them
Today a clown held a door open for me.
Such a nice jester.
Did you know the population of Ireland is growing at a faster rate than any other country in the world?
It’s capital has been Dublin every year.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the ‘Knock Knock’ joke ?
He won the "No-Bell Prize"
How much does it cost to ride Santa’s sleigh?
About eight bucks, nine during bad weather.
Would you calculate how many people you could afford to lose for unlimited breadsticks?
https://ift.tt/2Z5Ucvb
A cardboard belt is…
a waist of paper
My shoe split at work today
I knew this job would take my sole
For the golfers with good taste in memes
For the golfers with good taste in memes
If you get a link called “free p0rn” don’t opin it.
It's a virus wich deactivates your spelchek and fcuks up you riting. I receibed it but lukily I don't wach p0rn so I dint opin it. Plees warm you frends Wanks
When I was at the pool yesterday, I began peeing in the deep end
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I almost fell in
Me: “I bought my girlfriend a plant.”
Kid: "Is it real or fake?" Me: "Fake." Kid: "Of course, and what about the plant?"
Unbelievable! 364 Days until Christmas…
…yet there is deco everywhere already!
I call my horse Mayo
And sometimes Mayo Neighs. (My dad plays RedDead Redemption and he legitimately caught a horse just to make this joke)
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
But you do need one to go skydiving twice
How do planets clean themselves?
They take a meteor shower! ☄️
Do you know 1 Comment 1 Upvote will empower your body and you will able to fly in the future
Do you know 1 Comment 1 Upvote will empower your body and you will able to fly in the future
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
What did the grape say after it got stood on?
Nothing, it just started wine-ing
My wife told me to stop being a flamingo..
.. So i had to put my foot down
Guy spits out his coffee and says to the waitress ” I dont mean to be rude, but this coffee tastes like dirt”
She replys: well yea, you told me to make sure it was fresh ground
The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me to ask whether I got their email. I said no.
They said, “Maybe you should check your junk.”
What do you have when you buy the wrong meat at the store.
Mistake. (My 7 yo daughter thought it up at the grocery today. Never been more proud.)