Periods are 100% normal and nothing to worry about.
But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.
So when people ask me ‘are you fucking insane?’ I’ll say no, I’m fucking my sister.
I’m a faux pa
It’s hit or miss
It’s impossible to put down!
Comes great response ability.
I called my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up burgers and fries on my way home from work, but she just grunted at me…
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins…
A Tropical Depression
To stop his coffin.
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50 and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars. I said, “That’s outrageous!”
He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
is that when you're done it's easy to clean the floor: you're already half way through. (Might as well have been a "dirty" joke.)
the letter “f”
his parents just died
They lied, everyone else had their clothes on
Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.
But it's paper view only.
For a walka walka walka
Me: “ok, this isn’t working out.”
They use a pumpkin patch!
Everybody was Kung Flu fighting, That crap was fast as lightning, In fact, it was a little bit frightening, The experts couldn’t predict the timing, Everybody was Kung Flu fighting.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?" "No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds. "Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both." "Fook off you liar!" "I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?" "Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
I receive a ping 3 miles away as I’m approaching the ping I get a text “ honk your horn excessively until I come outside when you get to xxx address I’ll tip $20”. So I pull up to the pin and start blowing my horn for a solid min. My passenger comes out looking a little annoyed he gets in and we head to his destination. We pull up to his house and his dad is standing outside waiting for him, he greets him and asked how his ride was, he said the drive was great but the fucker blew his horn non stop until I came outside. His dad said that’s weird and handed me a $20.
Because tomorrow he turns 81!
The second hand store.
Arse skin for a friend.
He’s standing right behind you.