Such a nice jester.
Because I stole it from my neighbor…
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Sorry, I can't tell you.
The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"
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…because Dawn is tough on Greece.
A re-seeding airline…
"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
But don’t forget, only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day.
They have no windows.
Because he was 2².
A polar bear
When my daddy first seen me, he said "oh look, he's got my smile". Mom said "That's his backside, turn him over."
I thought to myself "Now, that's a little condescending".
When you pee on them, they disappear.
I’d be like, where the fuck do all these nickels keep coming from?
I made my son sit through a 1 hour long PowerPoint presentation titled “The utmost importance of wearing a condom”.
All the slides were just photos of him.
They always quack the case.
Because they always Ghana order Togo.
Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.
When it becomes apparent.
Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold 😉
I just don't understand it. I love James, Nicole and the fat, ugly one all the same.
It's impossible to put down.
Now I'm a werehouse.
For christ’s sake
I don't mind having it, but I'm scared my parents have it too.
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes. "Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," he replied gruffly. "Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. "Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all them assholes."
I'll let you know.
Because there is a lot of reposting to do.
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
It doesn't work all the time though, I just can't put my finger on it.
She was a mathemachicken.
So I called up Dewalt and they said: “not to worry! It’s just a fire drill.” REDDIT! IM GOING TO BE A DAD!!! 😀