please no more electron config
Went shopping for cherries and a microphone the other day.
Bought a bing. Bought a boom.
What do you call Nikki Minaj’s butt crack?
Silicon Valley.
-Dad, can I wash the car with you?
-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?
At an interview I was asked to describe myself in 1 word.
I said "good listener"
How do you say ‘sup dawg’ in Japanese?
Konichihuahua
I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.
He’s a giant banner after all.
I think my wife is a time traveler
I've seen that doctors are saying you should avoid close physical contact to stop the spread of coronavirus. Somehow she knew about this years ago.
A policeman is training three men, Bob, Don, and Rod, to become detectives.
The policeman flashes an image of a suspect at Bob for five seconds, and then asks him, "This is your suspect. How will you catch him?" Bob replies, "Well, sir, that's easy! He only has one eye!" The policeman replies, "That's because the photo I showed you is his profile! He doesn't have one eye!" He goes to Don next, and does his usual thing. Don replies, "That's a piece of cake! He only has one ear!" To which the policeman says, "Well, that's because the photo I showed you IS HIS PROFILE!" Pissed off at this point, he goes to Rod and asks him, "This is your suspect. How will you find him?" Rod looks at the picture intently, and the says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is confused, and decides to check. Moments later, he emerges with a big smile on . his face and says, "Wow! He really does wear contact lenses! How did you make such an astute observation?" "Easy. He can't wear regular glasses because he has only one eye and one ear."
Where do drunk sea flowers go?
Alcoholics Anemones
I finally understood Einstein’s theory of relativity.
It was about time.
Two Dragons walk into a bar
Dragon 1: It's hot in here Dragon 2: Shut your mouth
Percy Jackson, son of the sea God. Did not do well in school.
His grades were below C level.
THE PIXEEELS
THE PIXEEELS
My town’s population never changes.
Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
What do you call a caring prostitute?
Someone who gives a fuck
I was really bored, so I decided to memorize six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
To the person who stole my glasses
I can still drink from the bottle.
What do forklifts and girls have in common ?
If you don't have one, you'll have to unload by hand.
Blond and bodybuilder
A bodybuilder takes off his shirt and the blonde says: "" What a big chest you have! " He says: "" That's 90 kg of dynamite, girl. "" He takes off his pants. And the blonde says, "" What massive muscles do you have! " The bodybuilder says, "" That's 90 kg of dynamite, girl. "" … Then he removes his underwear, and the blonde runs out of the apartment screaming. The bodybuilder quickly puts on his clothes and runs after her. He catches up with her and asks why she suddenly ran away from the apartment screaming. The blonde replies: "" I was scared to be so close to all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was. "
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed….
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed …. Bill's wife was not wearing any panties! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes he did. She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 p.m. on Friday. Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 p.m. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left. Bill came home about 6:00 P.M. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?" She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.
I can speak time
It's my second language
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot. (I'll show myself out…)
Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France?
It was cooked in Greece
If you pour salt on a cat’s tail, it’ll fall off…
If you pour pepper on a cat's tail, it'll fall off, too.
Why is women’s soccer so rare?
It’s hard finding enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
On Father’s Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.
I used to hate facial hair
but then it grew on me
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first. "I'll have H2O, too," says the second. The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
Did you hear about what happened to the guy from the keyboard factory?
He was fired for not putting in enough Shifts.
What washes up on tiny beaches?
Microwaves