Pokémon = bad
Because they lactose
If you do it you'll see why.
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So I sent him a "get well soon" card.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
I had to draw my own conclusions.
But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.
and ordered a drink. “Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender. “Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied. “Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”
Nuts and bolts
Wife: I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad Wife: No you're not.
There’s way too much sax and violins
Because 2022 is 2020 too
It was a brief case.
She keeps asking how my food is.
She fits in your wife’s clothes
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The rest of your life.
Immediately when I got medication for schizophrenia, my friends won't talk to me anymore.
He started counting but he fell asleep.
Polish Border Control Officer: "Nationality?" German: "German" Polish Boder Control Officer: "Occupation?" German: "No, just visiting"
Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad Wife: No you’re not.
There were two christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.
As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''. So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were. John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'. The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink. Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak!
especially when it's on cruise control
Then I realised she can't even.
Add Spring Water
Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!
A loud knocking on the door wakes a man and his wife in the middle of a stormy night. The man opens the door to a stranger, who asks him for a push. "No way!" says the husband, slamming the door shut in the stranger's face. "Who was that?" calls his wife. "Just some drunk asking for a push", he answers, "it's 3 am and pouring heavily out there!" " You should be ashamed", his wife replies, "don't you remember that time when we broke down and those two guys helped us out? You should go and help him." Sighing, the man pulls on his coat and heads out into the pouring rain. "Hello? " He calls out in the dark. "Do you still need a push?" "Yes, please", comes the reply. "Where are you?" the husband calls out. "Over here", the drunk replies, "On the swing".
I still can't believe someone could stoop so low.
He learned next to nothing.
It's where I flip your MOM over
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
…they say he will be given a tough sentence
I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.
I really needed that votive confidence.
He sees a black man sitting casually at the side, and is disgusted by the sight of him. He then waves to the bartender and says, "I'd like to order a beer for everyone here except the black guy." As everyone else is treated to a beer, he looks back at the black man in hopes of getting a reaction out of him. The black man still sits casually, this time with a smile on his face. Confused and annoyed, the racist man waves again to the bartender and says, "another round for everyone except that same man." As everyone else enjoys their second beer, the racist man looks back again at the black man, who is still smiling. visibly angered, the racist man calls the bartender over a third time and orders a another round of beer for everyone except the black man. He then looks at the black man one more time, and sees him laughing. Furious, he rushes back to the bartender, points at the black man and asks, "Okay, what the hell is up with this guy?" The bartender then replies, "Oh, you didn't know? He owns this place."
Now I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend.