I just told her that he was all white.
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.
Not this year though – I'm quitting cold turkey…
Second Roman: mmm? Roman Guy: don't be ridiculous, not that many
A boy asks his mom: "Hey, mom, what is dark humor?" "See that disabled man over there?" She says "But mom, I'm blind" "Exactly, honey"
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, “Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth.” Reflecting, the man says, “I’ll take the wisdom”
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
How should I know. It’s not like I have 2020 vision.
He's alright now
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
Later in my life, I learned that condoms only work 99% of the time.
Comes great response ability.
But later on they grew on me
I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
So they can scan-di-navian
She wanted the Task Manager.
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire. Edit: Thanks for the silver (my first metal)!!
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
"Well son, time for bed," the father says. "But dad, I'm 16 now!" the son complains. The father replies, "I don't care how old you are, you're not watching me masturbate."
He was disqualified.
No text found
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.”
He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s an optician.”
They use paws!