Post flairs are now mandatory due to complaints about “Political humor”.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the ‘Knock Knock’ joke ?
He won the "No-Bell Prize"
I have the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban from London Zoo.
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring.
A doctor told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
My wife found out I was cheating after she found all the letters I had hidden.
She went crazy and said she won't play Scrabble with me again
50 shades of grey
#4e5054, #272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c5c5c, #5e5e5e, #616161, #626262, #646464, #656565, #676767, #6a6a6a, #6b6b6b, #6c6c6c, #6d6d6d, #6f6f6f, #727272, #737373, #757575, #767676, #777777, #7b7b7b, #7c7c7c, #7d7d7d, #7e7e7e, #808080, #818181, #838383, #868686, #878787, #888888, #898989, #8b8b8b, #8c8c8c, #8e8e8e, #919191, #929292, #949494, #959595, #979797, #9a9a9a, #9b9b9b, #9c9c9c, #9d9d9d, #9f9f9f, #a0a0a0, #a2a2a2, #a5a5a5, #a6a6a6, #a8a8a8, #a9a9a9, #ababab, #aeaeae, #afafaf, #b0b0b0.
![[OC] Guess The Pun #47 – Suffix to say… (x-post from r/puns)](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/no_image_card-1-400x247.png)
My twin brother and I finally got a barber appointment and decided to shave off our Corona Beards.
He chose the electric clippers, but I got the straight blade. Despite being twins, we were razed differently.
If you commit 90 sins, you will only be caught for half of them.
Because sin90 = cot45.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend…
…and chimney installations are through the roof!
An Irishman walks past a bar.
Just kidding.
Truly ‘‘twas a pity when William Pitt died
No text found
What car do lawyers love?
Subarus.
Why do cows have hooves?
Cuz they lactose.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘let’s make this interesting’.
So we stopped playing chess.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year long?
Patty O'Furniture.
3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.
After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info. Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info. Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell. The 2 other spies asked him “How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy!” The Italian replied: “I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.
My cousins are like the letter K.
They are ok by themselves, but when three of them get together, they are just horribly racist.
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus
A child asks his father what “gay” means
The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
I have the best doctor
Everytime I get my prostate checked he puts both hands on my shoulders to comfort me.
A cannibal is someone who…
…is fed up with people.
Two women meets in the afterlife,
-Hello, My name is Mia! -Hello. Mine is Emma. How'd you die? -Well… I froze to death. -Oh my.. what a terrible way to die! -Well it wasn't that bad. I was shivering from cold, but then I felt a warmness and I got really sleepy, Then I died. How did you die? -I had a heart attack. I thought that my husband cheating on me, so I left work early to catch him red-handed. Then I saw him just watching television. -What happened after? -I was certain that there was an another woman in the house. So I furiously started to search the whole house. Under the bed, the roof, closets but I couldn't. I was too tired of searching, I just had an heart attack. (Mia starts to laugh) -What's so funny? -Oh dear.. if you checked the fridge we both would be still alive!
Some last names originate from what the family did in the past…
Makes you wonder about the Dickinsons…
WHAT I IF TOLD YOU…
That you read the first bit wrong.
[NSFW] I went for a job interview to become a blacksmith yesterday. The interviewer asked me if I’d ever shoed a horse.
I said no, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.
I wanted to be a monk…
But I never got the chants.
What does Yoda say when he is drunk?
Dear me it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantitiy to impair my speech
A superhero arrives in a village.
The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two weeks later the monster dies of starvation.
A dog runs up to their master carrying an unusual stick.
Master: Hey boy, what do you got there? Dog: Bark Master: Bark? Well where did you get such an unusual piece of bark? Dog: Ruff Master: The roof? Well how did you get all the way up there? Dog: With the ladder
“Knock, knock” “Who’s there?” “Norway” “Norway who?”
"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"
The Cringe is strong here “Hey everyone! I’m a programmer and this is a programmer shirt!”
https://ift.tt/36At2xd
