POV: you turn on a slow laptop and start google chrome
Why does seaguls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.
Nine ants were kicked out of the apartment complex
Because they were not tenants.
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Why don’t you breed an eel with an eagle?
It’s Eeleagle
Flying across the country in Air Force One, the president jokes with his staff.
“I’m thinking about tossing a $100 bill out the window and making someone very happy.” A White House aide comments, “Why don’t you throw twenty $100 bills out the window and make twenty people happy?” Another staffer jokes, “Why don’t you throw a hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy?” A member of the plane staff, wanting to get in on the act, chimes in and says, “Why don’t you throw yourself out the window and make half the country happy?”
Why was the virgin left hanging?
No text found
I am reading a book called “The History of Lubricants.”
It’s non-friction.
What’s the best way to kill communists?
Communism.
Finland has just closed their borders
No one will be crossing the finish line
![That moment you realise your relationship is actually an agile working team. What you had there wasn’t a date, it was a stand-up. [Found on r/MadeMeSmile]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/c3w5nc050ps31-400x368.jpg)
A young boy asks his dad:
"Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential?" The dad replies: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend next door is also my son, that is confidential."
Naked painting
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
I have a Himalayan friend that told me he was going to the protests today…
… I just saw the news and I think I saw Himalayan there.
I have been hinting to my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she smoothly changes the topic.
Why did the scarecrow get an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
“I always try to go the extra mile for my customers.”
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
I’m developing a game which simulates your parents using the internet.
It's called the Elder Scrolls Online.
Me: *petting a dog* Aww! He probably smells my dog!
Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs. Me: sigh Yeah… my dog has a real problem.
Otherwise
No text found
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't like to be spotted.
I got bored in class today learning about cells, so i made this. Its not very good ik
https://ift.tt/2OrCOdg
Tesla’s don’t have that new car smell.
They come with that Elon Musk.
“Son, I found a pack of condoms in your room.”
"Thanks Grandpa!" "Why did you call me Grandpa?" "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
