Pretty much
My grandfather says he survived mustard gas and pepper sprays during war.
He's a seasoned veteran.
Joke
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?” – We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
I mean, to be frank
I'd have to change my name
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school yesterday?
He slept all through math.
Tetris is a good game
In fact, you could even say it was a blockbuster
I hate people who take drugs
For example, border security.
“No Jews Allowed”
A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner: 'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: No Jews please.' Sending a written message, the captain replied: 'Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending three of my best and most prized officers. One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design. The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern university in Chicago, with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Masters Degree and PhD. In Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate. Finally, the third officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina . We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda .' Upon receiving this letter, the mother was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by three handsome naval officers (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous). At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, three very handsome, smiling black officers. Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, 'There must be some mistake.' 'No, Madam,' said the first officer, 'Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes.'
![All it takes is a little human sacrifice. [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/nxqgdu7oues41-400x400.png)
A girl and guy are laying in bed after sex
She turns to him and says, "Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian." He said: "That doesn't bother me any!" She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."
When I was a child, I wanted to be a brain surgeon…
But apparently, I was too young…
“Do you tell your husband when you have an orgasm”?
"No, he doesn't like to be disturbed at work".
What do you call a Dog with no legs?
Why bother? They won't come anyways.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Patty O’Furniture
BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
I dig, you dig, we dig, they dig, he digs, she digs,
It’s not a beautiful poem but it is deep
How do you know when a Reddit user has left their hotel?
Their username checks out.
Before the clock strikes midnight on Dec. 31 be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you'll start off the new year on the right foot.
Dating a single mother
Is like continuing from someone else’s saved game
I was walking through the park, when these two kids started verbally abusing me. So I told them off.
Then the mother got involved with a real volley of the worst swear words I have ever heard. So I asked her, are the children twins? She said how the fuck can they be twins? One is 12 the other is 8 you stupid fucking Prick. I replied, I couldn't imagine anyone fucking you twice..
Did you know Bach was a big time gambler?
It got so bad he went baroque!