Priorities, Mitch, priorities…
But that's comparing apples to oranges
CHARLIE: That’s wondrous! WONKA: Now, first thing will be handling this PR crisis. CHARLIE: Wait, wha- WONKA: A lot of kids just died in your factory, Charlie. And there’s a rumor that you apparently own slaves? Edit: credit for this amazing joke https://mobile.twitter.com/WenzlerPowers/status/1181625842885124096?s=20&utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
The steaks couldn't be higher.
…Unless you want to deal with the Reaper cushions.
That it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
Add spring water.
But when it happens no one is shocked.
Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving on the wrong side of the road. Driver: Sorry, I'm English. Cop: (Loudly) it's the wrong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?
No text found
A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”
The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”
Because a bath with you would send me to heaven.
Are you having a crisis?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
and not “buzzkills”?
It was tense.
Would we call her Fe-Male?
It was in the middle of 9/11.
but later decided to let it go.
Unexpected item in the Baggins area.
Or on Earth.
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
I told my wife, “I feel bad for saying this but you are getting loose and it doesn’t feel as good anymore”
She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
Your wife will never refuse an opportunity to blow your bonus.
I've never run so far in my life.