Pro-choice Bad!
The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor asks him, “Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?” Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout…… Donald, duck!”
-Doctor, ive tried everything to find love but it just wont work, what else can i do?
-Have you tried shaving your mustache? -No -Well you should, Karen.
Light travels faster than sound
which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
Why did EA cross the road?
Buy the DLC to find out
Went to donate blood today…awful experience, never again….
Question after question…"who's blood is it?"….."where did you get it?"….."why is it in a bucket?
Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He lost track of thyme…
Who keeps the children
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a soda comes out, who does the soda belong to… me or the machine?"
Baby Yoda’s first word
Probably came after his second word.
My girlfriend told me, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sweep or mop in my life.”
I said, “Floors are beneath me.”
Did you hear about the canine comedian?
His jokes are ruff
What do you call a sad coffee??
Dippresso
My grandfather killed six Germans at Normandy beach.
Not as heroic as it sounds, though, he just did it last week.
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, “Give it to me straight doc!”
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
How do you get a Redditor to click a post?
No text found
What does a horny frog say
Rubbit
I bought a car that can only be driven when the leaves are brown…
It's an autumn mobile.
What do storm troopers and churches have in common?
Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew
Teacher asked “What is the formula of water?” Student said “H I J K L M N O” teacher said “that’s not the formula of water”
Student said “you said the formula was H to O”.
A friend told me that he doesn’t understand how cloning works.
I told him, “That makes two of us.”
What Thog say to man
Thog don’t care
Why are gays bad at poker?
They can't keep a straight face
My wife told me, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you mop or sweep in my life!”
Me: Floors are beneath me.
[NSFW] I was eating my girlfriend out when
she fell onto the floor. She popped right back up on the bed and yelled, "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
![[request] taco fundraising puns](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/no_image_card-76-400x247.png)
My wife convinced me to have reversed roles during sex last time…
That was a pain in the ass.
A few days ago, I told a lady on the bus she had semen on the back of her shirt.
She told me, "Probably just some yogurt." Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt.
