The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor asks him, “Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?” Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout…… Donald, duck!”
-Have you tried shaving your mustache? -No -Well you should, Karen.
which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
Buy the DLC to find out
Question after question…"who's blood is it?"….."where did you get it?"….."why is it in a bucket?
He lost track of thyme…
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a soda comes out, who does the soda belong to… me or the machine?"
Probably came after his second word.
I said, “Floors are beneath me.”
His jokes are ruff
Not as heroic as it sounds, though, he just did it last week.
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
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It's an autumn mobile.
Teacher asked “What is the formula of water?” Student said “H I J K L M N O” teacher said “that’s not the formula of water”
Student said “you said the formula was H to O”.
I told him, “That makes two of us.”
Thog don’t care
They can't keep a straight face
Me: Floors are beneath me.
she fell onto the floor. She popped right back up on the bed and yelled, "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
That was a pain in the ass.
She told me, "Probably just some yogurt." Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt.