Probably been posted here before, but…
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
Because he was a little chicken.
I sleep in the dark.
I know I’m not > or < than any anyone else
" there is one thing I've always wanted to know" "Ok, ask away," God said. " Do vaccines cause autism?" she asked " The truth is no, vaccines have nothing to do with autism", admitted god. The women shakes her head and says " They got to you too, this thing really goes high up".
Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt. The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it. Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're my driver, and apologize." A while later, the man returns, seeming incredibly satisfied. Trump asks how the family reacted, but the driver said they seemed in good spirits and even gave him some of their dinner. Back on the road, the driver hits another pig that wandered onto the road. He goes and tells the farmer's family, but when he comes back, he says the family was overjoyed and gave him a bottle of liquor. The driver hits a third pig that was on the road, but this time, Trump secretly follows him to see why the people would be so happy. When the farmer comes to the door, the driver announces, "I'm President Trump’s driver, the pig is dead!"
Because they always come in a little behind
As mushroom as possible.
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
Because a Jewish woman won’t touch anything unless it’s 20% off.
You wouldn’t believe it, that store was dead.
…but I'm just not a fan anymore
I immediately took away his bike
No text found
Doctor: “Let’s call it.”
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in Me: yeah he is really milking it
A chicken walks up to him and says "Don't do it, man you'll never hear the end of it.
Because when he found the position, he couldn't find the momentum. And when he found the momentum, he couldn't find the position.
A spare I guess
You boil the hell out of it.
Let’s meet up and share a joint. Credit: my dad
I'm sorry, I'm just not
I would name the other one "DupliKate'
So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
Parents: "arson?" Police officer: "yes, your son"
No text found
Let's go ride bikes!
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
So we can think about a solution in silence.