Probably the best explanation I’ve seen…
I just didn't want toupee for it
So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
Remains to be seen.
No text found
Me: Of course. That’s how we get Number 2 pencils.
Oops, wrong place for this post.
I named it The Trail Mix.
It’s April fools and my cake day
I was almost productive for a second there!
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I almost fell in
In case she needed to draw blood.
FOUR, GOD OF NUMBERS!
I'm open to suggestion.
She really wanted a daughter.
The new campaign is a killer
I learned next to nothing.
…have the same middle name
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed, “A miracle?!”
I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."
I can barely walk, but when I fart, the room smells lovely.
The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways. The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don't like educated people." The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th grade education. So they all go to night school. On the first day of night school they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks John, "What is the formula for the area of a circle?" John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn't belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation. After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, "Switch the limits on the integral!"
Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.
Because you pull the Bonaparte.
It was just lowercase.
Because if they had 4 they'd be called chicken sedans.
A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: ‘handjob – $15’.
The girl asks: 'Can I help? 'Yes,' says the man, 'the handjob, are you the one giving them?' The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!' The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'
He was a Fizzsician
He said, “You don’t seem to have much of a case.”
Me: Well, they were separated at birth.
you might be dyslexic
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."