Probably the most punny thing I said on accident.
The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.
They're the Tolkien white guys.
Let's all just stick to inside jokes for now.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks ‘Why is the last one so cheap?’
"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too. When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"
Is it really necessary to ask “Who are you” “How did you get in my room” “Why are you naked”.
His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my….Trail Mix.
I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.
For a man, it’s tulips on an organ.
Lawyer: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is mentally unstable." Mickey: "I didn't say she was unstable… I said she was fucking Goofy."
Because its cheaper
Does that make me an Axe murderer?
I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice
I replied Kindergarten
Those that understand binary, and those who don't.
I bet the people who invented hand sanitiser are rubbing their hands together.
Both crews have been marooned.
That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.
He's an artificial sweetner.
The captain was standing on the deck!
Unfortunately for him, screaming “mercy” at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.
Because he was in the living room.
giving us time to change the song.
He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. The genie promises to grant him one wish. The man pulls a crumpled map from his pocket and shows it to the genie. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish." The genie studies the map, but looks looks concerned. He hands the map back and says, "I'm sorry, sir. I come from the Middle East myself, and these conflicts have been raging since even before my time. Bringing peace to that region is beyond my powers. Do you have another wish?" The guy thinks and says, "Well, I've been married for forty years, and in my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "Let me see that map again."
asked a son to his father. "It means 'happy,'" replied the father. "Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?" "No, son, I have a wife."
I just came to that realization.
It was udder destruction.