Problem Handling done

After my shower while I was blow drying my dick and balls and asked "What the hell are you doing?" Apparently "heating up your dinner" was not the best answer.

No seriously, it is

That may be no big deal to you, but I'd never driven a bus before.

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates." About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote : Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, your son Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow… Love, Mom.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennssine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures. The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.

maxidad

Thanks for the Baghdad

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her. Stranger: What is your name, sad lady Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it. Edit: Wow, thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it to make hens meet…

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.” He said, “Have to love Easter, baby.”

I take steps to avoid them

I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister." The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later: Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!" Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister." This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. Son: "Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can't date any of them because dad is their father!" The mother hugs him affectionately and says, "You can date whoever you want. He isn't your father!"

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.” The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.” The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.” The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.”

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.

She's probably pulling your leg.

Curiosity

It was framed!

But backwards it’s even more stupid…

Yup, it’s right there in Hebrews.

For hispanic attacks.

I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?" "Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn’t send that one, either." Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?" Abe answers, "They’ll find us!"

A big 10-4, if you will.

How mean.

The whole zoo was just one big embarrassment

An African student: What's food? A European student: What's scarcity? An American student: What are 'other countries'? A Chinese student: What's 'my own opinion'?

So then when one dies I'll still have two

Dam.

All it could say was "rabbit".

Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew

I'm starting to think pearl harbour was an accident