Problem with pay equality is that men tend to go for higer paying jobs
…like doctors or directors. While females tend to settle with lesser paying ones like female doctors or female directors.
What exactly is an acorn?
Well, in a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.
We really need to stop using this assholes name as being better than something
https://ift.tt/31878Od
How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed?
Hela Fast.
I saw my son scratching his knee
I asked him if he had a 123. Confused, he looked at me and asked what I meant. I stared back and said, you have an ichi ni san.
Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas.
The other letters were not-E.
The four stages of Santa Clause in a man’s life…
1 "you believe in Santa Claus" 2 "you dont believe in Santa Claus" 3 "you ARE Santa Claus" 4 "you LOOK like Santa Claus"
The teacher asks a boy if he remembered the chemical formula of water, which she told them yesterday.
He replied “ H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O! H to O!
I once swallowed a dictionary
It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had
It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
Why did the spy cross the road?
He didn't. He was never really on your side.
Little known fact…Before the invention of the crowbar
crows did all their drinking at home.
When you try to fix a minor bug and expose a fundamental flaw in the core design
https://ift.tt/2Q9AxGf
I did not know what to wear to my premature ejaculation club meeting
So I just came in my pants
My wife thinks I don’t give her enough privacy…
At least, that’s what she said in her diary
Without Arabs we wouldn’t have 9/11.
We'd have IX/XI instead.
What did the drummer name his children?
Anna 1, Anna 2
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Teenage boy can’t figure out how his friend gets laid all the time — but he doesn’t
He asks his friend how he does it. The friend whispers, "I'll tell you, but keep it a secret." The teenage boy excitedly agrees. "All you have to do is, before you go to the beach, put a big potato down in your bathing suit. The girls will swarm you in no time." The teenage boy does as instructed, but instead, the girls see him, scream and run away. "What did I do wrong?" the teenage boy asks his friend. The friend looks him over and shakes his head. "Christ, man. You're supposed to put it down the FRONT."
How Long Is A Chinese Name
No text found
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling. Some were considered prime suspects in 9’s death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well. 6 snuck into 7’s house. He looked up from the floorboards, and found himself under 7. An admittedly inappropriate position for him, but 6 saw the proof he wanted: 9’s body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal… 7 8 9. 6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows… And promptly solve his problem.
How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 6, cause my basement is still dark
People say that being a hostage is hard, but I don’t agree.
I can do that with my hands tied behind my back.
A kid asks his mom, “How was I born?”
The mother replies, "Well, your dad and I took a little seed. We made a hole on the ground and covered it with earth. We watered it and took care of it. After some time, a plant came out of the ground and started to grow leaves. After a while the plant had a sweet aromatic bud. We took the bud and smoked them and then we got so high that we fucked without a condom. And that's how you were born."
How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?
Why must it be a group activity?
I saw a homeless guy living in a tyre. I did him a favour and punctured it.
Now he's living in a flat
I don’t always tell dad jokes
But when I do he laughs
Occasionally I drew Carey
but I drew Barry more
What is the opposite of minimum?
minidad
To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you. I have my contacts.
Instant karma. Saluting this Judge who threw a drunk driver’s mom in jail for laughing at victim’s family in court
https://youtu.be/zkcAPgm42-c
Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?
No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise…’
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re always stuffed.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, “I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.” “Do you think it will work?” she asks the doctor. “It’s worth a try,” he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going to believe this.” “What?” says the priest. “What happened?” “You gave birth to a child.” “But that’s impossible!” “I just did the operation,” insists the doctor. “It’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.” About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, “Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.” The son says, “What do you mean, you’re not my father?” The priest replies, “I’m your mother. The archbishop is your father.”
I just bought a mentos 24 pack for my family.
Best trade ever.