Prof Pussy
AveryTech Company
This is the most advanced and comfortable gaming desk on the planet. It even has power and usb outlets in the drawers and cabinets and the entire surface supports wireless fast charging. It uses our own patented one-of-a-kind power cable with-built in backup battery to deliver completely uninterupted charging and power. This amazing desk starts at just $199.Legs and power cable sold separately at two thousand dollars each.6 months later: Unfortunately we will be ending support for this desk.
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.
There will be no coffin at his funeral…
My kids ask me why I always knock on the refrigerator door before I open it.
I say, "Because there may be a salad dressing."
If you’re reading this, you’ve been in a coma for 10 years
We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we’re hoping we got through PLEASE WAKE UP
Why did the train go to the sauna?
To blow off some steam 🙅♂️🚂
I just bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
It’s a boomers humor Christmas! Found in a sixty-year-old women’s feed unironically.
https://ift.tt/2t4wstl
I’m reading a horror novel in Braille
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
Did you know the keyboard never sleeps
Because it has two shifts
I call my horse Mayo.
Sometimes Mayo neighs.
If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware?
I don't know but Alaska.
Dad I’m cold
Dad: go to the corner it's 90°
Gucci should open up a children’s store
And call it “Gucci Gucci Goo”
I’ve been searching for my ex wife’s killer for the past two years.
No one is willing to do it.
I lost my notes I was writing for my book called “1,001 ways to cure an itch.”
Guess I'll have to start from scratch.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re always stuffed.
As I regained consciousness from last nights car crash.
The Doctors were trying to convince me, I'm actually a Swedish bloke who had forgotten his identity… But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
Teaching my 3 month baby girl C++, wanna make sure she gets OOP by the time she talks.
https://ift.tt/32pWaG8
What do you call a rectangle that got into an accident?
… a wrecked angle.
I hate trying to please miners.
They're so picky!
A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.
Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home. "You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants." "Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?" "When she tried to take your pants off to wash them, you slapped her hand away and said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!'"
How do bees welcome their guests?
They buzz them in.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:’Talking Dog For Sale.’
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep" the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running… but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars" the owner says. The guy says "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?" The owner said "Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit!"
I always thought it would be difficult to have erectile dysfunction.
But it can't be that hard.
If my son refused to sleep during nap time …
Is he guilty of resisting a rest
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.
Those damn mooselimbs.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex…
But my girlfriend keeps insisting it says dyslexia
