Proof, Trump came from Stackoverflow 😎
They just, like, literally can't even
Not what you're thinking
They were cooked in Greece
If you have to force it it’s probably shit.
I was speechless.
I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, “Olympic.” Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife…
"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!" Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!" "What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily. "Gold of course!" I said proudly. She retorted, "Really?! Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
she told me "give it away, give it away, give it away NOW" !
A Rain Bow tie.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question
They both only have two fans
they are a non-prophet organization
No wait, she’s back She just went to make a cup of coffee
Why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
If generosity was the only criteria required for heaven all halogens would be in hell
People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.
The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, 'Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?' If not, don't say it. I thought this sounded like a good rule. So I told her: "Your chest is fucking epic."
Because you can’t see in the dark
Good condition, only driven from time to time
You can say…. I’m behind The Times.
It was an accident but the girl gets a really nasty black eye. So the next day the girl gets to tell to all her friends about it and blames the brother. The brother doesn’t like the unwarranted attention. He goes to his father and tells him he doesn’t like his sister telling everyone he hit her. The father finds it reasonable and tells the sister not to tell people about it as it is embarrassing the brother. The next day she goes to school and the teacher notices the black eye. The teacher goes up to girl and asks if she is alright. The girl responds that she is fine. The teacher then asks how she got such a nasty black eye. The sister responds, “My father told me not to say.”
Cause truants don't go to school! (I came up with this right now)
Because it's cheaper that way.
An artificial swedener (((Or "Swede-ish" as another user suggested)))
It feels good while you're doing it, but you're only fucking yourself.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
But if a man does the same thing, he’s gay. Like really gay.
The first vampire says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says “I’ll have a pint of blood also.” The third vampire says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.” The bartender says, “So, that will be two bloods and a blood lite?”