public Woman getWoman()
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
"2 or 3" she replied. That probably explains why her marriage failed.
now it’s called edison
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly. The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK? These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
If I never have to deal with another “custom CMS” ever again, it’ll be too soon… The latest one that’s been inflicted upon me, inspired me to make this meme:https://ift.tt/3fAGfuV
Customer: "cargo space?" Me: " no, car no fly, car go roads" Manager: " can I see you in my office?"
I have no shelf control.
Doctor: "That's not how ADHD works…" Man: "But I keep losing my Focus!"
She laughed at me, and said "Oh dad you're so old. Just use my phone." So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
Granted I would have preferred she didn't say it in a police lineup. But you have to take what you get.
Until knight fall.
But I ain’t no snitch.
If i could find a country that didn't take immigrants in I'd move there…
“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”
I told them that they can just call it pants.
"I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
What a releaf!
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I’m the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious desert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want! Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back, towel me dry, and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?” The wife replied, “The fucking funeral director would be my first guess!”