Quantum biologist is there too, after molecular, she’s too nano though, you can’t see her even in a pixel.

I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Periods are 100% normal and nothing to worry about.
But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.
What keeps ants from getting coronavirus?
It's their little anty bodies.

Unknown man sneaks into WH and gets picture taken with a discombobulated President Trump.
https://ift.tt/38mdDRT
What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know why
What do you call a lottery just for brooms?
A sweepstake.
“My friend Steve drowned, so at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it's what he would have wanted."
So I got a virus on my computer
And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared. Must have ransomware.
I have the opposite of an amputee fetish.
I am lack toes intolerant.
Why is McDonald’s so exact about how many French fries they give you?
They operate on a shoestring budget.

Might be the first meme my dad has ever sent me, a tried and true boomerhumor staple
https://ift.tt/2XTcKOB
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?
Now you mention Botox and no one raises an eyebrow.
I couldn’t remember if the sun rose in the east or the west
and then it dawned on me
NSFW A boy goes to the zoo with his parents
They're standing at the elephant exhibit when the boy asks his mom: What's that thing hanging down from the elephant? Mom: That's it's trunk. Boy: No, further back. Mom: That's its tail. Boy: No, in between. Mom: Oh, that's nothing. Now run along. The boy is still curious so he walks over to his dad. Boy: Dad, what's that thing hanging down from the elephant? Dad: That's its trunk. Boy: No, further back. Dad: That's its tail. Boy: No, in between. Dad: That's its penis. Boy: Oh, but Mom said it was nothing. Dad: Well, son, you have to realize that your mom is a little spoiled.
White people are always annoyed that only black people can say the n word, but white people have some phrases only they can say too
Things like “Hi Dad!” and “Thanks for the warning, officer.”
“I’m so sorry, my dog ate my homework.” Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, “Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?”
"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."
A cowboy was captured by a tribe of Indians…
In the morning he was brought before their chief, who said "You invade our land white man, and we going to kill you. But, it is our tribe's custom to grant the condemned three wishes, one each morning for three days, before we kill you at sundown on the third day. So, white man, what do you want for your first wish?" "Just bring me my horse," the cowboy answered. They brought him his horse, he whispered in the horse's ear, slapped him on the butt and sent him off. That evening, the horse came back with a beautiful blonde woman riding. The cowboy went with her into a teepee, and the Indians grumbled "Typical white man, can only think of sex…" The next morning, the cowboy was brought to the chief again. "Today you get second wish, what should we do for you?" "Just bring me my horse." Again, the cowboy whispered to the horse and sent him off. That evening the horse returned with a redhead. As she and the cowboy entered the teepee, the Indians were facepalming again at the condemned white man who only wanted sex. On the third morning, the chief said "Well, white man, tonight at sundown you die. What do you want for your last wish?" "Just bring me my horse." With a sigh, the chief beckoned for the horse to be brought forth. The cowboy grabbed the horse's ear with both hands, and yelled into it: "POSSE! P-O-S-S-E!"
The only thing that Flat-Earthers fear.
Is sphere itself.
How do you cut an ocean in two?
with a sea-saw
If you bought a DeLorean…
Would you drive it a lot, or just from time to time?
One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.
One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers. When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it. When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it. When they got to the third barrier, Thor took out Mjolnir and bopped a hole in it. Then they got to the fourth wall, and Deadpool said, "Am I supposed to be the punchline to this joke?"
What do you call a 1 armed man who does karate?
Partial arts
I’ve been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it’s starting to get serious.
She asked me to move out with her.
So there’s this guy going around dipping his testicles in glitter
It’s pretty nuts.
I was so thankful to come across a man selling his junk in the middle of the desert.
But it turned out to be a mirage sale.
Guys, to be Frank…
…. I would have to change my name.
I finally understood Einstein’s theory of relativity.
It was about time.
So someone gave me a used glove and new one….
So I got one second hand and one first hand.
“Dad, look! I’m a 3D printer!”
"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"
A friend of mine said to me the other day “What rhymes with Orange?”
I said "No it doesn't."
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted