QUARANTINE IS OVER!
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer!"
You can say he's bull-headed.
Said no one, ever
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window. “What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee. “I’m out of petrol,” the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. ”Try it now,” said the bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. “Wow,” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?” “BP,” answered the bee.
No text found
I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was
Aisle B, back
because it takes too long to walk in a V-shape
He doesn’t react to any of them.
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
Irishman got a job at the zoo, first week there, someone asked him “would you fuck the gorilla for £2,000?”
Irishman said "on three conditions, I don't wanna kiss it, I don't want any of my friends or relatives to find out, and give me a couple of months to get the money together".
They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.
That's 27 years of rigorous training, straight down the fucking drain.
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.
She has the worst stutter ever.
Fine, suit yourself.
He said, "Grandson…How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
He looks down and says "Man, my wife is gonna be so pissed I puked on myself again" Guy next to him says "Do what I do, I put 10 dollars in my pocket and when my wife sees me, I tell her some asshole at the bar puked on my and gave me the 10 dollars to have it cleaned" The drunk guy thinks this is an awesome solution and proceeds to get home. His wife is waiting for him and starts yelling at him "You got drunk and puked on your shirt again, didn't you?" The guy says "No, what happened is that I was at the bar and this guy puked on me, but he put 10 dollars in my shirt pocket so I can have it cleaned" Wife reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out 2 $10 dollar bills and says "This is not 10 dollars, this is 20!" Guy says "Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too"
Because it has a nice ring to it
… and a lady looks at him and says: 'Gross.' To which the German replies: 'Danke!'
Put in my too-weak notice.
None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.
It's pasteurized before you even see it!
The worst part is the news says this is just the tip of the iceberg and what I need to use as TP tomorrow romaines to be seen. Stay safe kids, Dad
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves…
Looks like the boa cons tricked her…