r/itemshop and r/bossfight have become karmawhoring subs
Especially with all this car owner virus going around
Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky-dive. When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump so the 6ft 7inch black instructor unzips his fly and says: 'If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your arse!' " Mick asks: "Did you jump?" Paddy replies: "A little bit when it first went in."
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, “Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
Because it scares the shit out of their dogs.
Me: Can I take two if I want three?
You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.
He returned it all denty. Edit: my first gold! Thank you kind stranger.
it's a naan stick pan
“Hm, that’s a good question, son. I think I have an idea.” “Okay, dad. What is it?” “You should post a story about an old man tying balloons to his house to fly away and a Boy Scout joining him as they float down to South America.” “Why would I post that, dad?” “Because then when people like it, you’ll get a lot of Up votes.”
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
I always see Himalayan there.
How do you ruin a joke?
Do you see what I see?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.
Jill and Jack go to Catholic school. Jill is known for sleeping. The teacher asks Jill “Who created Earth?” Jack pokes Jill with his pencil. She yells “Oh my God!” “that is correct Jill.” She goes back to sleep. The teacher asks Jill “Who is our Lord and Saviour ?” Jack pokes Jill. Jill yells “Jesus Christ!” Teacher says “Correct again Jill.” Jill goes to sleep. Teacher asks Jill “What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?” Jack pokes Jill. Jill yells “IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!”
Now I want to break three
Who dug up a whore from a grave. She was moldy and sh1tty, And only had one titty But look at the money he saved!
I don't know but Alaska.
The horse, not able to understand human language, shits on the floor and leaves
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
and I had a few beers, followed by a few bourbons and a number of shots….. I still had the sense to know I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before, I locked up my bike in a secure place, and I took a cab home. Sure enough, there was a police check point on the way home, and since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This came as a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before, I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
It kept crashing with kernel errors.
Your eyes, cause they dilate
I would be like… how did I get all these fucking nickels??
Because they were not tenants.
It was about a weak back
….I was about to run straight home to tell the wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden in the first place.