r/memes as always
What’s a priest’s favorite type of video game?
Early-access
My tailor really likes fixing my clothes
Or sew it seams
What happened to the overconfident lion tamer?
He was consumed by his own pride!
GF: I’m sick of you pretending you’re a Detective. I think we should split up.
Me: Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent. When does the punchline become apparent? After the delivery.
A bad workman blames his fools…
EDIT: tools …stupid keyboard…
What’s on the inside of a fire hydrant?
H2O. What's on the outside of the hydrant? K9P
I saw a bunch of guys in black leather jackets crowded around under some trees
It seemed very shady.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw the bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
How do your pets stop the show you’re watching?
They use paws!
Why do norwegians put barcodes on their ships?
So when they dock, they can scandinavian.
Kidnapper : [On phone] we have your son.
Kidnapper : [On phone] we have your son. Wife : Actually, I'm holding my son. Kidnapper : [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&Js?! Wife : oh god. Kidnapper : what? Wife : you have my husband.
I was at the hospital and I walked into a surgeon’s office
“Can I help you?” He asked. “I keep thinking that I’m a moth.” I replied. “You probably want a Psychiatrist for that.” “Yeah, I know.” He looked confused. “Then why are you here?” “The light was on.”
My wife told me to stop obsessing over a certain footballer.
So I said, "I'm not at your Beckham call."
What’s blue and not very heavy?
Light blue
Why was the locomotive outstanding in his field?
He trained.
How do you identify the gender of an ant?
If it sinks, it's a girl ant If it floats, it's buoyant.
What is scarecrow’s favorite thing to wear?
A crop top.
I tried to come up with a good acid pun
But they're all too basic 🙁
What do you call a tired skeleton?
The Grim Sleeper
What Donald Ducks drug of choice?
Quack cocain
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
Fuck off, you won't bring it back
