r/memes strikes again
It was just collecting dust
I’m not fucking lying.
Baaaaaack to the future
When I open it, it makes me cry.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "It's dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." The boy says "I have a baseball." The man says "That's nice." Boy asks "Want to buy it?" Man replies "No, thanks." Boy says "My dad's outside." Man "okay, how much?" Boy "$250" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy "Its dark in here." Man "Yes, it is." Boy "I have a baseball glove." The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy "$750? Man "fine" A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy ~ "$1,000?" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost." "I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "It's dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."
…as "the most violent book I've ever read."
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.
Then I’ll see what happens
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
It does not have a menu Because you get what you deserve
And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!
So we can die in peace.
Until knight fall.
Someone who is fed up with people.
You can hide, but you can't run.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 hours.
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What would you do when we see it? Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.
In the past, the poor had horses and the rich had cars. Now, the poor have cars and only the rich have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned.
I was walking with my girlfriend when a random guy whistled at her and said, “Nice ass”. She was clearly annoyed and demanded I say something.
So I turned around and said, "Thank you I've been doing squats."
they're so full of themselves.
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead. The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face. The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?" The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?" The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
Because they have a supreme ruler.
But I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me
He's a seasoned veteran.
They both run to the door barking wildly.
No text found
Because they always Ghana order Togo.
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said “Have a good day, son”
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad." He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it doesn't screw.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
But the spoilers ruined it for me.
I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
“I will disappear on the count of three! Uno…dos…” And he disappeared without a tres.