r/NASAmemes is a new subreddit for space and NASA memes!
What’s the difference between the Queen of England and a computer cable?
One's a British WASP, and the other is a USB.
A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband
A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Went to the grocery store today. They told me gloves and a mask would be enough…
They LIED. Everybody else had clothes on!
You should never date someone with a lazy eye
They might be seeing someone on the side
The wage gap isn’t real
Men just go for higher paying jobs like doctor, CEO, lawyer ect. Where as women pick lower paying jobs like female doctor, female lawyer, and female CEO
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
How do you cut a Pizza?
With little Caesars (Seezors)
Instructions on how to cure asthma, arthritis, ulcer, handicap, cancer with ultrasound
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4dwdjBJdW0
What do you give a cannibal who’s late for dinner
The cold shoulder
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.
I closed Reddit, locked my phone, and stood up.
I said to myself, “I’m done with this shit.”
One good thing came from Corona. I got gas for a 1.39 today.
Unfortunately it was from taco bell
Son: What rhymes with purple?
Dad: No it doesn’t
Did you hear about the man who was arrested for stealing electricity?
He was cleared of all charges.
My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away
He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blonde hair…
I got fired from the sperm bank today
Cause every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"
So I farted in an Apple store and everyone got mad
I said too bad they don't have windows
Is this sub still active?
There have been barely any posts all year.
Our friend Chuck hasn’t contacted us for months, so we renamed him Huck.
Because long time no C.
If you got bladder problems…
urine trouble.
“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”
Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic Dad:Never said I was a good one
I want to start a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time.
It will be called "Do You Have The Skillet Takes"
A family of buffalo are sending their boy off to kindergarten. The teary-eyed mom is hugging her kid.
Dad just waves and says, "Bison".
Why did God create Adam before Eve?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it
My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing…
Probably because it's a Dell
Wife: Honey, do you ever pee in the shower?
Husband: Sometimes, but only by accident. Wife: What? How does it happen by accident? Husband: Well, sometimes when I'm pooping, I can't help it.
Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.
He counted: “Uno…” “Dos…” And disappeared without a trace.
Hey /r/CleanJokes, police related jokes just aren’t funny!!
So give it arrest…
Recently my son asked me why two turtles were playing piggyback.
That's when I knew it was time for the talk. 'Son', I said. 'Those are tortoises'.
My friend refused to believe he was gay and a dyslexic.
He was in Daniel.