r/PewdiepieSubmissions is full of these “memes”
Last night, my neighbor got on his tractor and started yelling, “The end is near!!” Man, I really hate…
…living next to Farmer Geddon!
A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.
The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet. The waitress asks, "Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?" "Yup," says the woman. "Makes it easier than trying to remember who's who every damn time." "But what if you only want to talk to one of them for some reason?" the waitress asks. "Well, then I just call them by their last names."
I just had to breakup with my cross eyed girlfriend
She was seeing other people
So my twin brother called me from prison
He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"
What happens when you get a bladder infection?
Urine trouble.
My Grandma is 96 years old and still doesn’t need glasses.
She drinks straight from the bottle.
Knock Knock
Who’s there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin’ they hatin’
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language
An old man walks into a chemist and starts examining packs of viagra…
Nurse: Do you need any help there, sir? Old Man: Yes, every Saturday my wife wants to have sex, but unfortunately, I can never get an erection. Which brand of viagra would you recommend? Nurse: Well sir, everyone is different, but if you come with me to the counter, I can get you a pack that is proving very popular with our customers. The old man follows the nurse to the counter, she turns around, bends over and picks up the viagra from the bottom shelf, as she turns back around, the old man is already walking away Old Man: Thank you very much, I'll see you again next Saturday.
The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have sex for my birthday.
It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
My son used to swallow coins pretty regularly when he was a child.
I’ve definitely seen some change in him.
![In parts of Upstate NY, the [i] in words like “milk” is pronounced like an [e], like “melk.” This means that on Reddit, instead of getting “gilded,” you get…](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/no_image_card-33-400x247.png)
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet,
It's a good thing I'm married…
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. “Something for this I have.” Yoda says.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape. He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across. When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden. “Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole. Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers. “That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.” So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board. He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror. “Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?” Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
I started carrying a gun after an attempted mugging a few years ago.
Since then my muggings have been a lot more successful.
What is a Cannibal?
Someone who is fed up with people.
Coronavirus has been copying the Black Death
Plaguearism
Did you know crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet?
But most of then just have 4.
What do you call a hippies wife?
Mississippi
What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?
She got a full sentence.
The local drug dealer in town started dressing as a Jehovah’s Witness so as not to arouse suspicion.
He was arrested when cops saw people actually letting him in.
Medusa is so hot
Every time I look at her I’m rock hard
Trump tried to kill himself and failed
it was a fake noose
I donated 1 kidney and they called me a lifesaver
I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero. But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.
Satan was really mad when he went bald.
There was hell toupee.
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes.
That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.
Got my first date of 2020 already lined up
I mean, its a court date but its still a date and I am getting dressed up
I recently changed my alarm clock music to a Justin Bieber song.
Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I don’t have to listen to it.
