R u sure?
….could have been avoided completely if cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
The old guy put his hands in the pockets of his expensive wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.” “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.” “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $9.80.” “After that,” the old rich man continued, “I invested the $9.80 into a market stall so I could polish and display a lot more apples. I began making about $50 a month from then on.” “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
It has grown on me
129 bugs in the code.
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
She wanted to see the task manager
This is the time of the year when I get really annoyed when everyone writes “X” instead of “Christ.”
I calm myself down by playing my Christ Box 360.
Her exact words were "severely diabetic", but I know what she meant.
They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies. The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!" The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?" "We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger. The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
We'd have IX/XI instead.
A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.
"Son, you know that one would have been enough."
It was a game changer.
John came fifth and won a toaster.
I’m not sure what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
I had a sex toy business that specialized in gold plated butt plugs. One day I got a cease and desist letter from Apple. Apparently they hold the patent on overpriced shit for assholes.
They’re better than regular plane crashes, because there’s no loss of life. If you’re flying an rc plane, you never had a life to begin with.
Because of all the red flags.
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
He’s become a Mister E…
I have a father figure
They don't wanna get ripped
I had the upper hand
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…
I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me. I thought to myself, “I really need a new fucking boat.”
Some weeks later, she invited him and her daughter over for dinner and in an attempt to impress his mother-in-law, the son-in-law wore one of the ties she’d sent him. The meal was extremely tense and uncomfortable with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence. Finally she spoke, “Alright then, what was wrong with the other tie?”
Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers
Math puns make me number
… unless they're flashing behind you.
I would be a felon. Not because I have a big dick, but because I ran over several children on purpose.
A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.
Because it wasn’t a loan anymore.