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Little Johnny said, "My dad's a stripper at a gay nightclub and he turns tricks in the alley way to earn extra money." The teacher was Mortified and after class she pulls little Johnny aside and ask, "Johnny is your dad really a stripper at a gay night club?!" Little Johnny said, "No. He's a reporter for CNN but I was too ashamed to say that."
He claims he wasn’t that much into her anyways.
It was a coughee cake.
Because he was very good at orienting objects. (Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)
Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.
During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bath, then offer a spoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bath." "I understand," he replied. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon and the teacup." "No," replied the director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
I just came to this realization.
They've been vaccinated. We know this because: •They're over three years old •They're retarded.
A yes horse.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.
It had too many leeks.
Son: Soy Milk. Dad: Hola Milk, Soy Dad
It kept ringing
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds…
It must have been something I said
He walks up to the bartender and says "Can I get a……………….beer?" Bartender says "Why the big pause?" Bear responds "idk man I was born with them"