Remember, 35 years ago this Thursday, Daniel LaRusso was brutally attacked by members of Cobra Kai following a Halloween party. Tell your kids to be safe this Halloween.
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I used to know a guy who did circumcisions
The money wasn't great, but he got to keep the tips.
I’ve never particularly liked those Russian nesting dolls…
They're so full of themselves!
what’s the most disappointing way to finish a joke?
No text found
Why is 6 disgusted by 7?
Because 7pm.
I once won a fight that was five against one.
We really kicked the shit out of that guy.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend…
…and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you say to a 20 year old with no legs, one eye and no health insurance?
“Thank you for your service”
I dared a guy to fill up his piggy bank with one penny every year for one hundred years.
He said he wouldn’t do it. Cause it would take a cent-ury.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn't complain.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
What was Matthew McConaughey’s least favourite part of Interstellar?
When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, “It hurts me when I say this..”
..”But I have a sore throat.”
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff…
Baa-dum-tssss
I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I buy my guns from a guy that goes by “T-Rex”
He’s a small arms dealer
My son told me he had a hole in his shoe today
I said yes son, that's where you put your foot in
Did you hear about Santa grounding Rudolph this year for getting a D in class?
Yep, he went down in History
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
You put a nipple on it
What’s the scariest cat
The one that made me puma pants.
Today a clown held a door open for me.
Such a nice jester.
