Resistance training
There’s a new horror film out about a man that possessed people by sneezing.
It's based on achoo story.
They say you are what you eat.
Well, today I bought some ready to eat chicken, and sure enough, when I got home I was ready to eat chicken.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other:
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"
An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?" "Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds." "Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?" So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago." "I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"
“You’re 1 joule per second, Harry!”
“I’m a Watt?”
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
The Police
Police:Where do you live? Percy: With my mum Police:Where does your mum live? Percy: With me Police: Where do you both live? Percy: Together Police: Where is your house? Percy: Next to my neighbor's Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Percy: If I told you, you wouldn't believe me Police: Tell me Percy: Next to my house
What is a tree’s favorite app?
Sapchat
Finally the answer for why people are panic buying toilet paper
Every time on person sneezes, 10 people around them shit themselves.
![[X-post] political humor](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/8gmk12ef78v41-400x324.jpg)
Why do people never eat clocks?
Because it’s really time consuming.
I’m not a one trick pony
I know multiple tricks, and I’m not a pony
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
Did you know that you can’t run through a campground?
You can only ran through a campground, because it's past tents.
I don’t get why everyone wants Trump to be a peach…
When he would look perfectly natural dressed as an orange.
Why is ‘Dark’ spelt with a K, and not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark.
I recently took a pole
I found out that 100% of people in the tent were mad when it collapsed.
I buy my guns from a guy called T-Rex
He's a small arms dealer
He really pinned Jim Jordan on the mat here, & I don’t think he’s getting up.
https://ift.tt/2NMRNzn
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang the picture of Jesus.
Hi, I’m Robin
https://ift.tt/2BoeOlb
Becoming White
A 5 year old African American wanted to see what it was like to be white so he covered himself in sugar. He went up to his mother and said “look mama I’m a white boy now!” and she punches him in the face and he then goes to his father and says “look pops I’m a white boy now!” and he takes off his belt and beats him with it. Finally, he goes to his grandma and says “Grandma, I’m a white boy now!” and she slaps him across the face and asks the boy “How does it feel to be white now?” He responds by saying “I’ve been white for 5 minutes and I already hate black people.”
My roomate and i did this game where we cleaned up another ones room everyday.
We were maid for each other.
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
I’ve got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He’s going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.
Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes. Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes. Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days
