It's based on achoo story.
Well, today I bought some ready to eat chicken, and sure enough, when I got home I was ready to eat chicken.
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?" "Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds." "Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?" So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago." "I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"
“I’m a Watt?”
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
Police:Where do you live? Percy: With my mum Police:Where does your mum live? Percy: With me Police: Where do you both live? Percy: Together Police: Where is your house? Percy: Next to my neighbor's Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Percy: If I told you, you wouldn't believe me Police: Tell me Percy: Next to my house
Every time on person sneezes, 10 people around them shit themselves.
Because it’s really time consuming.
I know multiple tricks, and I’m not a pony
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
You can only ran through a campground, because it's past tents.
When he would look perfectly natural dressed as an orange.
Because you can't C in the dark.
I found out that 100% of people in the tent were mad when it collapsed.
He's a small arms dealer
It only takes one nail to hang the picture of Jesus.
A 5 year old African American wanted to see what it was like to be white so he covered himself in sugar. He went up to his mother and said “look mama I’m a white boy now!” and she punches him in the face and he then goes to his father and says “look pops I’m a white boy now!” and he takes off his belt and beats him with it. Finally, he goes to his grandma and says “Grandma, I’m a white boy now!” and she slaps him across the face and asks the boy “How does it feel to be white now?” He responds by saying “I’ve been white for 5 minutes and I already hate black people.”
We were maid for each other.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
I’ve got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He’s going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.
Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes. Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes. Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days