restoration, somehow
I just got out of a heated debate with a friend of mine who read an article on this
https://ift.tt/36skeKs
When I was a teen I was addicted to masturbation and as I grew older I become a sex addict.
In retrospect, I think my addiction just got out of hand.
My wife said to me she doesn’t understand cloning.
I said that makes 2 of us.
I wonder what my wife’s favourite US state is.
Maybe Alaska.
Walls of youth
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father took an outing to a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father responded, 'Son,I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,a fat old lady in a motorized cart moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. The doors opened and a young blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son….. 'Go get your Mother'
Bartender asks a man “You ever had ann orange in your beer?”
Man says "Once, in a Blue Moon."
A cannibal at the office had trouble finding his lunch…
So I offered to lend him a hand
A knight was trying to woo several maidens he knew with some jokes…
He had different kinds of jokes for each maiden, as he knew they each had different types of humor. Margaret was first, and the knight stood before her and tried out a new knock knock joke. A boy watching nearby asked his mother, "why did he tell her a knock knock joke?" The mother replied, "well sweetie that's because her husband used to always tell them, so she appreciates them more." Next was Priscilla, and as the knight stood before her he tried out the joke the court jester told him. "Why did the knight use a court jester joke?" Asked the boy. "Well sweetie that's because Priscilla isnt very bright and she wouldnt understand most other jokes." Finally it was Dawn's turn. The knight began his joke but the mother quickly covered the boys ears. "Why did you do that?" Asked the boy. "Because you are too young for the humor the knight uses on her, and the knight is always darkest before Dawn."
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records
Then I got kicked out of the library.
According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey’s blood?
Tastes like ass.
If you hold your pee
urine trouble
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
A Chinese child was born before his due date…
His parents named him "Sudden Lee"
A man walks into a suit shop…
[M] And asks to try on some of the suits. The salesman obliges and gives him some options. The customer, however, hates all the options and after an hour of trying them on, throws the suits down in disgust. “These are all terrible!” The customer cries. Exasperated, the salesman throws his hands in the air and says, “Fine, suit yourself!”
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
We’d better get some support or people will think we’re nuts.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
When my wife and I got married, we were really poor but she stood by me during those times.
She had to. We only had one chair.
My wife says if this post gets over 1000 upvotes, I can get anal.
Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless.
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment…
Today I learned: The writer Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I'm not joking, but he is.
When I was a kid, Santa gave me a lump of coal. The next year, I poisoned his cookies.
Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad.
My credit card company sent me a camouflaged bull.
It’s the hidden charges you have to watch out for.
What’s more expensive, a ladder or a diamond?
The latter.
I can’t believe I got arrested for impersonating a politician…
I was just sitting around doing nothing.