It was only a minute long.
Mexico and Canada.
When they find out I'm a really bad electrician.
So I bought her a candle.
Old hobbits die hard.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
Plagiarism (thanks to my 11 year old for that one!)
Not screaming like the people in the back of his car.
Bartender: What are we even paying the bouncer for?
Downloaded a pirated copy of the Bohemian Rhapsody. Quality is really bad though. Low res. Dark. Blurry.
I see a little silhouetto of a man.
My bank account.
Satan was unsure of why the engineer was sent down there, but he might as well be of use. He commissioned the engineer to install AC, plumbing, various water features, and many other amenities that really started to turn hell into a pretty decent place. God, on the other hand, took notice of what was taking place and was furious. He demanded to speak with Satan. "Why do you have this man when he lived righteously and has a place in heaven?" God bellowed. "I don't know, but I'm keeping him," Satan snarkily replied. "You will hand him over now," God said ferociously, "or else I will sue you!" Satan smirked. "Where you gonna get a lawyer?"
But then it grew on me
A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
..but, I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
Because they’re good at it.
Now I’m afraid they’ll come back to repossess my house.
For my liiifffeee to be oveeeerrrr!
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully." Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?" God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. There were no accomplices. He acted alone" The conspiracy theorist pauses, thinks to himself, then says "Shit! This goes higher up than I thought…"
The x and y axes are pretty cool but not the plot itself. That’s where I draw the line.
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
A non-prophet one
With great powder comes great responsability
Thanks for nothing.
Guardians of the Galaxy
The damage is expected to be about 50 square blocks
It was sad, but it was a huge weight off my shoulders..
Must be some kind of milestone…