Sad boomer noises

What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?
Nothing, they're already stuffed…
I’ve squirted an entire bottle of No More Tears in my baby’s face… …
and she's still crying. Parenting is hard
The CDC has a recommendation for telling jokes during the pandemic…
Inside jokes, only.
After two weeks of trying, my wife just told me she was pregnant.
She has the world worst stutter.
What did Trump say when he picked up the cheese shredder?
"With this, I will make America grate again."
Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can’t
The Sax is too good
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts
Beer nuts are $1.30 deer nuts are under a buck
250 dogs escaped from the SPCA
Police are following a number of leads.
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down. People were going crazy, throwing money at it. I asked him if he makes a living like that, he said, "Yes, it's my livelihood."
What do you call a hen that counts her own eggs?
A mathemachicken.
Last night at dinner I thought I saw my father starting to gag.
Turns out it was just another dad choke.
Your penis so small….
That when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.
Two Karens are out having dinner
The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
It will be a sadder day.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
Why’s there no original content on this site anymore?
because everyone's already Redd-it
I started my new job at the local hospital helping to move patients around the hospital
It’s not much, but it’s a rewarding job
What did one hungry plant say to the other plant?
I could use a light snack.
What do you call Indiana Jones in a Scandinavian river?
Harrison Fjord
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig
the letter “f”
I dialed a suicide hotline in Iraq
They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck
What do you call a participation trophy in astronomy?
A constellation prize.
[nsfw] some parents find their teenager’s browser history
It’s full of s&m porn. Mom says: well what are we going to do? Dad says: what do you mean? Mom says: well.. we can’t spank him.
You’re gonna need to read this a few times
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of "in" is.
My grief counselor died recently
Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care
Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says, “Don’t bother me!”
So I asked him how much it costs and whether or not it works.
A man with 5 legs put on pants
They fit like a glove
They say you are what you eat.
Well, today I bought some ready to eat chicken, and sure enough, when I got home I was ready to eat chicken.
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!
No text found
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Idea
Could the r/dankmemes reddit be banning non europeans just as a dank meme?
I don’t like how shopping centres are so similar..
You see one, you've seen a mall.
“Hi my name is David and i lost my ID…
… I guess you can call me Dav now."
I just saw my friend accidentally take Viagara when he meant to take Ambien.
He’ll be up all night.
Did you see Trump’s speech last night?
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.