Sadly in life, you have to sometimes escape the reality.
The shopkeeper asked if I was going to put it up myself. I said “no, it’s going in the living room”.
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
It runs in your genes.
But he came unarmed :/
Which is better than suffering from really good ones.
I mean, it's not very hard.
In the Germany section of Epcot, the guy in front of me orders a beer. Cashier says "nine dollars please", guy: "woah, free beer"!
You can look at them longer if you're wearing sunglasses
Because you can’t C in the dark.
Because there is a lot of reposting to do.
Just enough to get Bi
Is the bar tender here?
Restaurant in peace
That’s how I roll.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
She fits in your wife’s clothes
I said, “No. I have Stranger Things to watch.”
No text found
"I'm not Willie Nelson."
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
None, he fell off.
It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
After decades of dedicated and concentrated practice, I finally achieved my goal. I can play guitar very badly.
Until it hits your stomach then it all turns to shit
I shouldn't have named two.
I Noah guy.
It was a hootin' nanny.
No strings attached.