SAVAGE AF 😂😂😂😂😂
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said: “I’m off duty in 10 minutes – meet me in the car park.”
It's morphine time.
Christmas is coming
Really, I was quite lucky my older brother told me about it.
When you replace the b with a d
Because all proper tea is theft.
But I’m planning to give it a shot.
But that was so yesterday
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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
I never met herbivore.
But since I got Parkinson's, I don't have the balls to do it anymore.
Unless you multiply yourself by the spped of light squared then you Energy
because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
You're still using fowl language.
Dad joke: So I saw this dude walking around with a long pole. I asked him, “Are you a pole vaulter”?
He said "Nein, I am ze German… but tell me, but how did you know my name ist Walter?"/
…they take dumplings.
It was an ether/oar situation.
About eight bucks, nine during bad weather.
I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors
They’re like “ooh I want to see it” But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”
Probably because you can’t spell advertisements without semen between the tits.
In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
It came completely out of the purple…
So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to appeal their sentences down to 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "As it is my first wife's birthday today, she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The German was first in line; after thinking for a bit he said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but after only 10 lashes the whip had shredded the pillow. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying in pain. The Englishman was next up. After watching the German in horror he asked, "Please tie two pillows to my back." This time it took 15 lashes, but once again the pillows were shredded, and the Englishman was led away bleeding and whimpering in pain. The Irishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from the most beautiful part of the world I have ever seen. Because of this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Irishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable man from a beautiful island, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with admiration. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish?" And the Irishman said, "Tie the Englishman to my back."
It's much harder to deter gents.