Savor the bassets?
Donald Trump was due to get circumcised
But the doctor said the procedure couldn’t go ahead due the fact that “there is literally no end to this prick”
What do you say to a jedi who you do a favour for?
You Owe Me One, Kenobi
I’ll name my child $2y$10$ugTh9EyUvedMTndo0PvF4.YKZaHX6OsMirqjR6ApgASNPrRikwBGS
https://ift.tt/2WcbTYa
How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting him for Christmas?
Because he felt his presents…
A pun is not completely matured…
…until it is full groan.
I donated 1 kidney and they called me a lifesaver
I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero. But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.
Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys…..
And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
What happened to the overconfident lion tamer?
He was consumed by his own pride!
We were going to have chicken for supper, but ended up having rabbit.
It was a game changer.
There was a young man…
There was a young man From Cork who got limericks and haiku's confused
My 6 year old made this up while taking his bath…
Knock knock Who's there? Dwayne Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub before I dwown.
Alcohol is gay.
Cause when you have it, you can't think straight.
Great Aunt shared this on Facebook, thought someone here might be able to decipher?
https://ift.tt/2VfhPh8
Just mentioned to the missus that I’ve always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé. “Whatever floats your boat.” she said.
“No.” I said. “That’s buoyancy.”
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking
Why did the plane get sent to his room?
For a bad altitude
My friend just told me that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
When I was a child I wondered where the sun went at night
Then it dawned on me
When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.
Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
I went to the most popular NSFW subreddit and was shocked when I sorted by Best.
I can’t believe what this world is coming to.
Another film has been released about a barrier in India.
It's a Sikh wall.
I can always tell when I’m near an Indian restaurant
That's naan-sense, of course.
Siri kept on calling me Shirley today
I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France?
It was cooked in Greece
My first job was working at an orange juice factory
..but, I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
I was going to share a joke about planes.
But I do not think it will take off.
Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers
"Since when do you wear womens pants?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
Please stop with the dad jokes until this pandemic is over.
Let's all just stick to inside jokes for now.
They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have
My boss still didn’t think a spacesuit was “appropriate work attire”.
Personally, I don’t believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
It was 11 years ago today.
My buddy James came running into the room, tears streaming down his face, and shouting, “It’s a boy! It’s a boy!” Needless to say, we never went back to Thailand.
I got chased by a mugger the other day trying to steal my wallet.
Halfway through the terrifying ordeal, I couldn't help but think to myself, "He's giving me a good run for my money.
How much sex does a person who likes both men and women have?
Just enough to get Bi
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.
He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool, William." Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad." "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."