Saw this on my Facebook feed. “Hahaha poop funny”
And conversely, you should never scissor with the runs.
One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him, "Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!" He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking. This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the prostitute, she would offer him her services for fifty dollars, and he would decline and say he'd only pay five. One evening, however, Hillary asked if she could come along on the walk with him, and Bill reluctantly agreed, nervous about what Hillary would say if the prostitute yelled at him again. They went on the walk, and when they passed the alley, to Bill's surprise, the prostitute was silent, and they continued on their walk. As they were about to round the corner, however, they heard the prostitute's voice from behind them, "So that's what five dollars gets you, huh?"
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. “Well…” he said. “It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn’t decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it.”
"And he won?" I asked. "Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The bastard!"
She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
It dampens theirs spirits.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
Check out Tender!
It kept ringing
Crimes against piece
The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.” The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said “Now, I can die.” The BBC Reporter said, "I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.” The ISIS leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and dictated some comments. The reporter then said, "Now I can die knowing I stayed true until the end.” The ISIS leader turned to the Israeli commando and said, “And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?” “Kick me in the butt ,” said the soldier. “What?" asked the leader, “Will you mock us in your last hour?” “No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the butt ,” insisted the Israeli. So the terrorist leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the behind. The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the soldier was untying the reporters, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the butt first?” “What?” replied the Israeli, “and have you report that I was the aggressor?
They're both thinking "Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me."
I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc
I heard that he was framed.
Did my part for contact tracing.
giving us time to change the song.
Unfortunately, she blew it!
I thought, how dairy
In Spanish, you roll your R’s and in Dad Jokes you roll your Eyes
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them”
What do you call a crappy lawyer? An a-turd-ney
But this year I've turned it around, I'm miserable and depressed
mine is physicsView Poll
It hates that.
In charge of the schedule Yoda was.
Just how low can some people go?
For Hispanic attacks
A time traveler walks into a bar.