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A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a Preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water And subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is Almost overcome by the smell of booze. But, he still manages to ask the Drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, "Yes,I am ." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and Asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for A little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks Again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus." By this time, the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the Water again — but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asked the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in ?"
I'll let you know.
Because Dshells were too big.
The horse-pital. No I’m kidding they get shot
Flywaii (please don't down vote me too much, my 6 year old daughter made up this joke and wanted me to post it).
Because they know when to drop the base.
Would I be mist?
Because they lactose
It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
I had the upper hand
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts – Made in China."
"To get to the other tide." I'm too young to be a grandfather!
I told her this isn’t working out
Did you know cannibals don’t exist anymore… I ate the last one yesterday
He was running a huge pyramid scheme.
But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.
A sentence has a pause at the end of the clause but a cat has claws at the end of its paws
But today, I ran over 5 miles
…they don't believe in me.
“I used to love tractors.”
He wanted to get up oily in the morning.
I think it’s working, she said we should split up. She went to her parents house and I’m looking for clues in the garden.
Nuts and bolts
Studies have proven that people who have more of them live longer.
Our dates can be summarized as follows: Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN!