Science meme for you all
I’m not sure if I like toast.
On the upside, it’s buttered. But on the downside, it’s not.
What do you call Sad Island weather?
A Tropical Depression
drug-sniffing dog
Me: "Sweet dog you got there" Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog." Me: "Still in training, huh?" Policeman: "What do you mean?" Me: "Nevermind"
I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
I recently visited a pickle factory
The experience was jarring.
I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.
We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
When you forget how to stand in your flesh disguise and an Earthling gets suspicious.
https://ift.tt/2Su1Knj
Just bought a thesaurus and got home to find out the pages are all blank!
I have no words to describe how angry I am…
How heavy is a red hot chili pepper
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack
Some of my closest friends might describe me as “deceitful”.
Jokes on them, though. They aren't my friends.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
What do you call a fight between E.T. and a man with no social life?
Alien versus Redditor.
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To work on his pecks
My wife is like a plunger.
She is very good in bringing up old shit.
A child asks his dad, what does a solar eclipse mean.
His dad replied, "no son".
“Queue” sounds like “q” followed by 4 silent letters, but…
They’re just waiting their turn.
In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did
So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson
I have a scary math joke
But I’m 22 to say it 🙁
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.
Today, I saw a squirrel poop for the first time in my life.
That shit was nuts!
Why don’t Kleptomaniacs understand puns?
Because they take things literally.
Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
From my 6yr old: Whats a guitar’s favorite cheese?
String cheese.
