He was kicking himself.
whose dick was so long that it bent. So to save him some trouble, he tucked it in double, and so instead of coming, he went. Do limericks count as jokes?
But I can never get a straight answer.
I responded with, "no, but we can arm wrestle any day."
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Except that Chinese kid in the back. He got it.
An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" A professional thief says, "Sign here please."
They found Himalayan in the street!
Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said “This isn’t working I’m going to my mum’s”
I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
It is LAYHEEHOO
It was accidental.
I'm only doing it to get my foot in the door.
A sentence has a pause at the end of the clause but a cat has claws at the end of its paws
Starting with the moment she walked through those doors.
Unfortunately, she blew it!
An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.
When I open it, it makes me cry.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
So they called it a day.
Because 2022 is 2020 too
Me- Sure, but why so many people? Dad- The DVD says it is only for 18+ viewers.
He was growing through a rough patch.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she’s sleeping ..
…and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
A hungry Hungary hippo
For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said “well then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.” I reply, “well what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens. And without hesitation my dad replies, “well he can’t lay eggs”
I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"
I thought “What as waist of time!”.
…Math puns make me feel number.
and I won't rest until I find it.
No text found
Mice krispies. I’ll see myself to the door now
Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
Lost my watch at a party once. I saw a guy step on it while harassing a girl. I walked up and punched him straight in the nose.
Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch.
I prefer to see it as a plus
I guess it won't make any difference.
Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple 😀
His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says, "Dimitri, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me." "Oh, no worries buddy," says Dimitri. The Communist then turns to another friend. "Petya, remember being sentenced in 1937 to 25 years in the gulag? Well, it was me who went to the NKVD. Please forgive me." "No hard feelings, my friend. You are forgiven," says Petya. "Misha, I must confess to you that I had you sent to the penal battalion in 1942. I am terribly sorry about that day." "Please my friend, we all forgive you. You may go in peace," says Misha. "Thank you, comrades, for being with me throughout all these years," says the old communist with a tear streaming down his face. "I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you. I never knew you loved me that much despite me being a stool pigeon." His friends are visibly touched by his words. Finally, he gathers his last strength and says. "And in honor of our deep friendship I want you to fulfill my last wish. See that cactus plant on the windowsill? As soon as I die, I want you to take it and shove it up my ass." Just as his friends were about to say something the old communist took his last breath. So Petya rushes to the window, takes the cactus plant off and together they shove it up their dead friend's butt. Suddenly, the friends hear a loud banging on the door followed by a gruff voice shouting: "Open up, it's the police. We've received information that an old Bolshevik has been tortured to death."