Because I only have one response and it's "boogie oogie oogie".
Let's go ride bikes!
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One day, someone asked him where the medical building was, Fred replied, "it's over there and to the left. I do research on the brain in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat. [EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum Wow, thanks for the support guys
They’re a little meteor.
I asked her, "I can't seem to find my wife, can I talk to you?" "Sure, but how can that help?" "Once she sees me talking to you, I'll bet you anything she'll appear out of fucking nowhere."
Like it was yesterday.
To do To do To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooo
We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we’re hoping we got through PLEASE WAKE UP
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
"For I did not speak of my own Accord…" – John 12:49
A weasel walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime.
St. Peter asks the first guy if/how many times he had cheated on his wife. He answers twice. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Honda Civic. The second guy gets asked the same question and he responds once. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Harley Davidson. The third guy gets asked the same question as the first two people and responds never. St. Peter says, “Good job staying faithful,” and hands him the keys to a Rolls Royce. A little while later while riding the streets of Heaven the first guy in the Honda Civic rolls by the third guy in the Rolls Royce. The first guy notices the third guy crying and asks, “Why are you crying, you are enjoying your after life in a Rolls Royce, while I am stuck in a Honda Civic.” The third guy responds, “I am crying because I saw my wife, she was on a skateboard.”
I guess oppozits attract
So instead, a sub Reddit.
“Well, son, I could explain it. But it would be better if I showed you.” “Ok, dad. How will you do that?” “Go up to your mom and ask her if she would have sex with her boss for $500,000.” So the son asks his mom, and she responds back with “fuck yeah I would!” The son then runs to his dad and says “Dad! Dad! She said ‘fuck yeah I would!’” “Ok. Now go ask your sister if she would have sex with her principal for $500,000.” So the son asks his sister, and she responds with “Fuck yeah I would!” The son then runs to his dad and says “Dad! Dad! She said ‘fuck yeah I would!’” “Ok son. Now the hypothetical situation is that we are now millionaires. But the reality is that we live with a couple of whores.”
I don’t know, he ransomware
but they really turned it around with the 360.
Asking for a friend.
One turns to other and says "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight." Other recruit says "Everyone must be watching the band." "There is no band on this ship." "No, I definitely heard the captain say a band on ship."
One shucks between fits.
Not this year though – I'm quitting cold turkey…
Beer nuts are $1.98, deer nuts are under a buck.
To beat the crowd.
“Sorry, my fault.”
He said only thyme would tell.
I have fortitude.
In retrospect, I think my addiction just got out of hand.
Because they make up everything.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
Remains to be seen.
I'm not joking, but he is.