Scum
A new leaked photo from Nasa reveals an actual photo of Australia taken from the ISS.
https://ift.tt/3361wXD
From a physicist: ICP is actually right about magnets
/r/juggalo/comments/g1e3nx/from_a_physicist_icp_is_actually_right_about/
What’s the cheapest meat? Deer balls.
They're under a buck.
I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.
When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Coronavirus, right off the bat.
A ran into a girl at a vegan restaurant who said she knew me.
I never met herbivore.
Why do farmers hang bells around the necks off their cows?
Because the horns doesnt work
My wife thinks I don’t know how to say, “My” in Japanese…
…but really, watashi no?
The Norwegian navy has started putting bar codes on their ships…
So they can scan da navy in…
What do you get when you inject a goat with human DNA?
A ban from the petting zoo.
Fifty Shades of Gray has beat records for the fastest selling R rated movie
Well, first it tied the records up, then it beat them…
I love dry erase boards.
They're remarkable.
My nerdy friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr.Awkward.
My math teacher called me average
How mean is that ?
Since I’ve installed Adblock Plus
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
No, I don’t know where most things are on the map!
I've never been good at geometry.
I’m so straight, I don’t touch myself when I jerk off.
My buddy Brian does it for me.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant: “How much is Barbie?”
“Well,” she says. “We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.” “Hey, hang on,” the guy asks. “Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?” “Yeah, well, it’s like this, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”
3 unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
1. 2. 3.
The cops just stopped by and said I was in trouble because my dog was chasing someone on a bike
My dog doesn’t even OWN a bike.
A man walks into a bar and orders a Whiskey…
The bartender serves the whiskey and all of a sudden a monkey appears running all across the bar jumps and lands with his testicles in the whiskey and smiles to the man. The man, confused, asks to the bartender… -What the hell is this? -Oh, ask the piano player, it is his monkey So the guy looks for the piano player and shouts… -Hey! Do you know why your fucking monkey sunk his balls in my goddam whiskey? -Not by the title, but if you can sing it a little bit I'm sure I can make it work
I’m going to hell for this one….
A teacher, a lawyer, and a priest were sitting together on an airplane. The pilot comes over the PA and says “I’m sorry folks, but we’ve just lost both engines. We’re going to crash and die.” The teacher exclaims “Oh my God, the poor children!” The lawyer replies “Fuck the children!” The priest asks “Do we have time?”
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
No text found
![Everything is terrible. [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Ku1LmY1-400x400.jpg)
I want to share a Russian pun with you all
but if no one likes it and it gets down-voted then so-v-iet
A horse walks into a bar
The bartender says "Hey!" Then the horse replies "Sounds good!"
I hate Russian dolls
they're so full of themselves.
I have a hard time falling asleep.
It's much easier to fall when I'm awake.
If you take something, that’s one thing
If you take something else, that’s another thing
dad, Is battleship a fun game?
It’s hit or miss
What’s the last thing they do to a Tickle-Me-Elmo Doll before it leaves the factory?
They give it two test tickles.
My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He can’t say ‘please’ which I think is poor for four
I combined laxatives and alphabet soup.
I call it "Letter Rip."
What’s the scariest cat
The one that made me puma pants.
George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump have died and face God…
God asks Bush, "What do you believe in?" Bush: "I believe in free trade, a strong America, the nation." God is impressed: "Come to my right." God turns to Obama: "What do you believe in?" Obama: "I believe in democracy, in helping the poor, in world peace." God is very impressed and says, "Sit down to my left." Then he asks Trump, "What do you think?" Trump: "I think you're sitting in my chair."