Seriously what is this
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
It was a booby trap
He didn’t even finish his sentence.
Nothing, it just started wine-ing
GF: A shoe! Me: Bless you Was pretty proud of myself for a couple minutes.
Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease that I have ever seen.
They heard it was a mail dominated industry.. ( Possibility OC?)
Dad: That’s a D, idiot.
I had to drop out to graduate.
No text found
She's a keeper…
Girl: “I don’t wear glasses.” Me, while polishing my lenses: “No, but I do.”
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery
The wedding wasn't that good but the reception-amazing
The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".
If it isn't 3 holes in the ground…
Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t inform the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, ”Excuse me my dear……..my stomach,” and disappeared towards the bathroom. The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back stairs and into the maid’s bed. She just had time to switch the lights off when in he came in silently………. He wasted no time or words but quickly took out his dick, got on top of her and fucked her like there was no tomorrow. When he finished and while he was still panting, the wife said, "You didn’t fcuking expect to find me in this bed did you!!” and switched on the light. “No madam”, said the gardener.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?”
The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"
Because attachments are forbidden
It'll put hare on your chest.
I like them alot. EDIT: Thank you all for the upvotes. EDIT2: Thank you for the gold kind stranger!
I replied, "Probably failing my driving test."
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
Lawyer: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is mentally unstable." Mickey: "I didn't say she was unstable… I said she was fucking Goofy."
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
It's really growing on me