Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.
Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?
Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?
Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.
Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one that I really liked.
Man: How much?
Man: OK, but for that price I want it with all options.
Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Jane and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on market. They are asking $980,000 for it.
Man: Well, then go ahead and offer $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go to the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want.
Woman: OK. See you later! I love you too much!
Man: Bye, I love you too.
The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turned and asked: Anyone knows whose phone is this?
Because it wooden go.
They're throwing a hissy fit.
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter…
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "…and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?" "New Zealand, sir." the boy replied. "Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there." "Is that right?" replied the manager. "My wife is from New Zealand!" "Really?" replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"
It’s due to inflation
I hate prison.
It's always hard to act surprised
Good players are hard to find.
One of them is an elephant.
You shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
It had an ex axis, and a why axis.
Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow that has been knighted? Sir Loin What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky What do you call a cow that dies in a helicopter crash? Kobe Beef
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
You will get tired. And if you run behind a car, you will get exhausted.
The doctor described his condition as stable!
To cover its butt quack
Judge: Stuck in a penny? Lawyer: Yes, he’s in a cent!
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
It was a third degree burn…