You could say it's very prophetable.
I thought to myself, "What a weird way to start a conversation."
Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says … “I’m sleeping with the priest’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”
The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass, Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to. Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest… "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says… “You better hurry home now, my wife died a year ago"
only a fraction of people will get this joke
He's a karma-karma-karma-karma-karma-chameleon.
More on this after the break.
He said : “Pick a star sign any star sign.” I said : “Capricorn” And he said : “Nah you got cancer”
Because it was soda pressing.
Nice to meat — ew!
It’s really been getting out of hand.
I really get a kick out of it.
But I broke up with her because she was too kneady.
But usually he's pretty serious
Because they have little anty bodies
He says: "I refuse to say anything without a lawyer present." Cop: "You are a lawyer." Lawyer: "Exactly, so where is my present?"
First time posting here, my grandfather's funeral was yesterday, and in honor of him I thought I would share his favourite joke of all time. My grandfather worked in advertisement, and his favourite jokes had to do with bad advertising. His favourite? Women's dresses, half off. Rest in peace grampie. You'll never be forgotten.
He tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of three, "Uno" "Dos" And then he vanished, and disappeared without a tres
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
She said, "I told you not to call me Mom in front of people."
I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.
Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, “What are you two arguing about?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.” “You two should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.
They had no chemistry 🥺
I pull out a small chair from my bag. The doctor yells at me for wasting his time and kicks me out of his office. I go home still not knowing why I'm shitting furniture. My nightmare continues.
It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
After 6 months of isolation, he is starting to get lonely. On Dec 26th, there is a knock of the door for the first time. He opens the door to find a large middle aged man with a big beard and plaid shirt. "I'm your neighbor from 11 miles down the road. I'm having a New Years Eve party and wondered if you'd like to come." Why sure, that sounds like fun! It's pretty lonely out here in the wilderness. "Ok, anytime after 9. Oh, and there's going to be some drinkin' going on." That's no problem, I like a drink myself. "OK, could be some fightin' too" Heh, well, I know how to take care of myself. I'll be careful. "And sure to be some sex too." Well, I've been pretty much alone for 6 months, so that sounds like just what I'm looking for! Any suggestion on what to wear to the party? "Wear? Wear what you want, it's just you and me."
why do rice krispies snap, crackle and pop?
He orders a beer.