Shop workers dont like to work on the floor
I guess you could call him a cheap-steak.
She couldn’t see that well
Then it dawns on me
😀 Because it puts a D right next to a colon.
I call it James.
as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…we can’t hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
I think I’ll stick to raisins.
You stalk it.
Dude 2: “Brochure.”
The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fucking business."
You use a sea saw!
he was very self absorbed.
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.
I told her it is a huge missed steak.
It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you have at home
Me: I want to name our son James. Wife: Why? Me: No reason. 9 months later Wife: My water broke Me: Let the James begin
They're prime mates…
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
I’ve been reading ‘Lord Of The Rings’ and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life…
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married…
It's been years since he managed to erect anything
I’m pretty disappointed to see so many of you.
I decided to sit on it for a while
He never slept on the train with his mouth open again… -Martin Mladenov
Nothing, they fast.
With a pumpkin patch!
That's just how I roll.
Absolutely nothing and they quickly parted ways
But when I got home all the signs were there
The husband replies reassuringly "yes you are honey" — to which his wife embraces him comfortably …the husband continues on to say "the rest have been 8's, 9's, and even some 10's!" Edit: why was this marked as wholesome LOL
It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.
Money for nothing, and the chicks for free
She had to. We only had one chair.
19 and easily spread.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.