Shop workers dont like to work on the floor
I met a cow who really didn’t want to pay
I guess you could call him a cheap-steak.
[Warning]: 18++
19.
Why did the blind girl fall into the well?
She couldn’t see that well
Every day I forget which direction the sun rises…
Then it dawns on me
What’s a gay man’s favorite emoji?
😀 Because it puts a D right next to a colon.
I’m so unfamiliar with the gym these days…
I call it James.
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position
as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…we can’t hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
I have a pencil that was owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
I had my first date last night.
I think I’ll stick to raisins.
How do you sneak up on celery?
You stalk it.
Dude 1: “Bro can you pass me that pamphlet?”
Dude 2: “Brochure.”
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.
The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fucking business."
How do you cut the ocean in half?… you use a sea saw
You use a sea saw!
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
he was very self absorbed.
What’s black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.
My daughter told we she is a vegan.
I told her it is a huge missed steak.
There’s an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ
It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you have at home
Wife: *is pregnant*
Me: I want to name our son James. Wife: Why? Me: No reason. 9 months later Wife: My water broke Me: Let the James begin
The President of the United States saves the economy from the COVID-19 slowdown.
https://ift.tt/3ac8Pj8
I’ve got two pet monkeys who share an Amazon account…
They're prime mates…
What’s the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
I’ve been reading ‘Lord Of The Rings’ and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life…
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married…
I know now why Trump wants to build a wall
It's been years since he managed to erect anything
Welcome to invisibility class.
I’m pretty disappointed to see so many of you.
I have a huge hemmorhoid, I was wondering if I should go to the doctor but
I decided to sit on it for a while
A sudden blowjob woke up young Carl…
He never slept on the train with his mouth open again… -Martin Mladenov
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch!
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That's just how I roll.
What do you call a bee’s stinger region?
Its bee-hind!
What did one introvert say to the other introvert?
Absolutely nothing and they quickly parted ways
I never thought my son would steal road signals
But when I got home all the signs were there
Wife asks her husband “Am I the only one you’ve ever been with?”
The husband replies reassuringly "yes you are honey" — to which his wife embraces him comfortably …the husband continues on to say "the rest have been 8's, 9's, and even some 10's!" Edit: why was this marked as wholesome LOL
![[OC] code_style](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/aqph1g64o0841-400x400.png)
What happens when you get a bladder infection?
Urine trouble.
I previously suffered from premature ejaculation my GF got me some cream that reduces sensitivity
It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.
I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens
Money for nothing, and the chicks for free
When my wife and I got married, we were really poor but she stood by me during those times.
She had to. We only had one chair.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.