Should we tell him though???🤔
I’d never let my children watch the orchestra.
There is too much sax and violins in it
My wife says I’m the cheapest man in the world.
I'm not buying it.
Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar…
https://ift.tt/2tNUDsZ
Why is deadpools house always cold?
Because he keeps breaking the fourth wall
What do you call a cheap circumsision?
A rip off.
A snail slides into a car dealership. The car salesman greets the snail politely and asks what he’s looking for. The snail says that he just wants a really fast car and the salesman shows him the ones with a high max speed…
He slaps the roof of one and says, "This is the last one that’s built for speed." The snail says, “This is perfect, but there’s one thing I want you to do first.” The car salesman was confused. “What?” The snail said, “I want you to paint a big red S on it.” The car salesman was even more confused. “Why?” Chuckling, the snail said, “So when people see me driving, they would say, ‘look at that S car go!’”
I went to a bait and tackle shop the other day
They lured me in the door and then knocked me down.
You serve alcohol at a party no one bats an eye
I serve laxatives at one and everyone loses their shit
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
Only one person can stop LeBron
That's LeBrain….
What do you call a cheap prostitute?
Quarter pounder.
Still no toilet paper at the store today…
My dad said they’re wiped out
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
A family of buffalo are sending their boy off to kindergarten. The teary-eyed mom is hugging her kid.
Dad just waves and says, "Bison".
If you stand by the sea…
…it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
I am ok with alcohol, cigarettes, and even marijuana.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.
What kind of fur do you get from a werewolf?
As fur away as you can get.
When you say “poop” your mouth moves in the same way your anus does.
The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".
Why is 69 afraid of 70?
Because they once had a fight and 71.
Why did God create Adam before Eve?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it
What do you call an old, Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
I had an out of body experience recently.
I was beside myself.
What’s the difference between swine flu and bird flu?
Swine Flu requires oinkment and Bird Flu requires Tweetment
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't workout.
How do you find your dog if it’s lost in the woods?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!
My math teacher put that on the first page of our workbook (still love the effort)
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