The first nurse says, "Damn, can't let that go to waste," and rides him. The second nurse does the same. The third nurse hesitates and explains that she's on her period, but still rides him. Then the man sits up. The three nurses apologize profusely and say that they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was, but after two jump starts and a blood transfusion, I feel fuckin great!"
Even our wedding cake was in tiers.
You won’t get a weigh with this!
But it's paper view only.
I'm foreign against it.
If you take something else, that’s another thing
In Queso emergencies
I'll beheading there shortly.
Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car. The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so. The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?" The comedian replied, "No, I ran over a skunk a few miles back." The officer gave him a good look over and asked, "Why are your eyes red?" The comedian sniffled and said, "It was a baby skunk." Edit: grammar
It's easy, I just sleep during the nights. *(disclaimer — this dadjoke was delivered deadpan by my daughter. She is truly becoming a master)
We now call him Dr.Awkward.
Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op
Me: Thanks for reminding me
To cover its butt quack.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.
But a Tiger Wood!
I'm a WATT?? Sorry stole it from a pornhub comment made me laugh
At the review, his dean was berating the veteran prof for having used the same final exam for the past 20 years. "Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these tests for decades and that they all know EXACTLY what questions are on the test before they sit for it?" "That doesn't matter," replied the professor, "It's Economics, every year I just keep changing the ANSWERS."
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
Username checks out.
Just visit Rent-A-Missing Reminiscing!
Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep, because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
"Are you going to keep it?" I asked. She said, "No, it stinks like wee."
He looked at me and said "I honestly don't know… It's hard to keep track".
She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money.
I take something for it.