He never returns home and the universe runs out of milk.
Which was a good thing, because he stepped on a land mine
He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience: "What happened?" asked his family. "Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
him: Knock knock me: Who's there? him: A snail me: a snail who? him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot!”
They both have a good time.
That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.
It was a high steaks mission.
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire….apparently the wrong answer.
She can out run her brother.
He ate it before it was cool. 🤦🏻♂️
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
The Imam says “Why the wrong faith?”
But it's a whisk I am willing to take.
They can’t get rid of their bills
A bad joke timing
Because all the fans left.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennssine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures. The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
It was here a minute ago.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
We got a long well.
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
Picked him up in a night club. He looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!…. That's when I thought "Fucking hell there's something wrong here"
A vicious circle.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
In a rural area he comes across a small village bar. He goes in and orders himself a drink, when he notices the man next to him also looks like a farmer. "Are you a farmer?" he asks the man. "Ja, I am a farmer" the man replies. "How big is your farm?" the american enquires. "Well, roughly 20 square miles" the german answers, not knowing where this is going. "Haha, 20 square miles" the american laughs, "Thats cute, do you want to know how big my farm is? When I want to tour my whole farm and get into my car to drive around, it takes me 2 days to come back home" The german looks up from his beer and replies: "Ah yes, I had an american car once aswell"
Those damn mooselimbs.
I said "No, I think all kids smell like that"
I said, “Thanks, but I think we call them pants, not an ass shirt.”
I told her "That is not true, in fact I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
They have two shifts.
He wanted to be a millionaire too
“Sure,” said the dad “40.”
"What's wrong, honey?" her husband asks. "What's wrong?!?" the woman shouts, "THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!" "Sorry babe. What is wrong?"
My Korea is over
She’s still not talking to me.
But it really went downhill fast.
Dad joke: So I saw this dude walking around with a long pole. I asked him, “Are you a pole vaulter”?
He said "Nein, I am ze German… but tell me, but how did you know my name ist Walter?"/
We were maid for each other.
Unfortunately the ouija board wasn't working