Skyrim meme funny
The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in
When you pee on them, they disappear
‘Really’ I said ‘No, April fooaarrrrglegargle’ That’ll teach her to be funny
Only one in a million turn out to be a human being. Edit: I got my first silver. Thank you people <3
She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself. He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm… Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back." "Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks. "Worry not, my child. You have many, many more years until it is your time. You will live until the ripe old age of 108!" She's sent back to Earth and pops into her miraculously repaired body. She gets up, dusts herself off, and with a huge smile on her face immediately heads to the plastic surgeon. She proceeds to get a face lift, a tummy tuck, hair implants and more. "If I'm going to live to the old age of 108, I might as well look my best!" she happily thought. After all the surgeries and cosmetic procedures and makeovers, she looks STUNNING. Beautiful pouty lips and a tiny waist and long luscious hair. She walks out of the salon and BAM. She's hit by a bus and dies instantly. Once again, she is at the pearly gates and again, is greeted by God. "What in the world was that?!" she exclaims, "You said I was supposed to live until 108!" God looks her up and down and says "Well I didn't recognize you!" Edit: Formatting
… now get ready for Times New Ramen
Found out she meant trout, not Skittles
Such a nice jester.
I thought to myself "Now, that's a little condescending".
He said, "Dad, do you want to see me kick Flip?"
I can’t stand it!
When I'm feeling saucy.
He sold his soul to Santa.
Edit:OMG thanks for the silver Edit 2:WTF OMG thanks for the gold EDIT 3:OMFG THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE PLATINUM
A Rain Bow tie.
Did you know gibberish spelled backwards is gibberish? No, it's hsirebbig. Exactly my point!
After decades of dedicated and concentrated practice, I finally achieved my goal. I can play guitar very badly.
Quick answers please.
Because you can’t C in the dark.
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
You boil the hell out of it
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
One weighs upwards of 1800 pounds, the other is a little lighter.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
They twerk from home.
At least until the Librarian caught me.
A chicken pie in Jamaica costs $2.00. A chicken pie in Trinidad costs $2.40. A chicken pie in St. Kitts costs $2.15.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.